In a past life

Once upon a time, in another life, I was a tobacconist. Or is it Tobacconist? A purveyor of all things tobacco: cigarettes, cigars, pipe tobacco, snuff, chew, cigarillos - if it was made of the leaves of the plant in the genus Nicotiana, I sold it (how I got this job, that's another tale to tell).

Of all my jobs, I think I enjoyed this one the most. Partially because it an old establishment (1892, same location, steeped in history), partially because I and the staff were left alone to our own devices (for the most part), and partially because I was a young woman in my 20s managing, for the most part, a mens' shop. I was constantly challenge to prove myself - what did a little girl know about cigars? How could I possible know what made a good pipe versus a bad one? I knew because I was gifted in the art of bullshit AND I did sample some of wares - honesty.

I can tell you what menthol snuff is like -peppery yet cool as it blasts your nostrils. Herbal cigarettes, for the most part, are pretty foul; however, I do like the mandarin orange-flavoured Bidis. Clove cigarettes do numb your lips- hate the smell. Favourite pipe tobacco was a house blend - a delicious combination of 3 tobaccos: Saratoga, Zulu and Papeete - equal portion of each. The trick to smoking a Cuban cigar is to have something to eat first, drink while you're smoking to clean the palette, and don't inhale (unless you're hardcore). My favourite cigar is a Fuente Opus X, not a Cuban. Cigarillos were fun - I preferred the girly ones that were flavoured and dipped in things. Sad but true

I loved being able to speak with authority as I mesmerized middle-aged American men who scoffed at being served by a girl - and on more than one occasion, they asked for the manager to serve them, only to discover it was me. Nothing gave me greater pleasure then to sell a box of Cohiba Esplendidos ($52 a piece times 25) to such customers. I also enjoyed dashing dreams when someone would swagger in, fresh from a visit from Cuba with a box of such cigars, bragging how they only cost $125 for the whole box. I would pause, pretending to take my time as I searched for evidence that they were fakes, knowing all along that they were. I would then slowly explain, as if to a child, how I knew the cigars were not the real deal. Me, a silly girl.....not so silly after all.

The irony - I am not a smoker. Never was really. I tried when I was in junior high and high school, but it never really took (I say, almost apologetically). I actually find smoking to be rather disgusting; however, I sold it day in and day out for almost 8 years - very successfully, I might add. If I knew how to drive, I would make a fabulous car salesman.....person. Kind of like a drug dealer - which I was accused of being, more than once. But that was another life ago.....