Thursday, May 28, 2009

I give them 2 years....

Sadly, I read today that Archie is marrying Veronica....and I am devastated. I always imagine that bitchy Veronica would end up unhappily married to nasty Reggie while Archie and the fair-haired Betty would marry for love and live happily ever after in Riverdale. I am not sure how this all will be justified - I can only hope that when the priest asks, "if anyone knows any reason why the marriage may not lawfully take place" that Betty will proudly stand up and declare her love a'la "The Graduate" - perhaps she could have a pronounced bump....although that may rock the conservative nature of "Archie" and its bubblegum world.

My childhood dreams are a bust....

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The story of Jon and Kate....

Imagine that you fall crazy in love - weak-in-the-knees, you-are-the-one love. You marry and decide to start a family because this is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life, and children are that natural path....only you can't do it the old fashion way. So , money and injected hormones later - twin girls! You're happy, over the moon! What could be better? You decided, a few years later, that another baby would just add to this amazing life you have built together, so away you go! More money, more injected hormones and wham! You having sextuplets! Wow - how is this going to work? But you remind yourself, at the end of the day, at least you have each other....

Then your prayers are answered....some channel wants to tell your story in the form of a one hour documentary! The public loves it! They gobble up your stress, tears, laughter. A follow-up is order, and then a series. Lights and cameras move in, following every move, spat, biting comment - it all makes for great television. And the kids - oh, the kids! So precious! So precocious! Look at them fight! Look at them smear pudding on the window! Look at them grow! Awwwwww!

However, there is a shift. The show is now a caricature of you - the screaming fish monger's wife and the hen-pecked husband. Interactions are tense and, at times, cruel. You are raising eight children in a fish bowl, a fish bowl you created in exhange for finicial compinsation, but a fish bowl none the less. Its not fun anymore - its painful. The audience starts to wonder why you're still together, then speculate that it must be for the sake of the children.....or that someone has drunk himself into oblivion and is feeling no pain. You know how you are being protrayed; however, you tell yourself that its all in the editing, that it doesn't matter, that you can pull the plug anytime....that you're in control.

So what is left? A marriage is destroyed. Eight children are left with a splintered home. The person who was once "the one" is a now a stranger. Where did the love go? What happened? And for what? Four complete seasons of a family that may not exist anymore.

And it all began when you met, fell crazy in love and decided that you wanted to live happily ever after.....

The end.

Monday, May 25, 2009

10 reasons I hate the news.....

10. Icebergs - they're melting, we're doomed
9. Honey bees - they're dying, we're doomed
8. Mocking birds - they're changing their song due to global warming, we're doomed
7. Swine flu - pandemic looming, we're doomed
6. Iran - they hate us, we're doomed
5. North Korea - they're launching nuclear missiles tests, we're doomed
4. Al-Qaeda - they're gaining strength again, we're doomed
3. Missing children - BC has the highest amount of missing children, they're not safe anywhere, therefore we're doomed
2. Diet - doesn't matter what we eat, we're doomed
1. The economy - its in the tank, about to bust, heading into another depression, we're doomed

Friday, May 22, 2009

I'm just people watching....

I was on the bus the other day when I saw a young guy, probably mid-20s,happily strumming away on his guitar as he waited for the light to change. It was 9am, not downtown...and I wondered why? Does he love music so much that he breaks into song at any opportunity? Is he disturbed? Does he think someone will stop and offer him a record deal? What makes people do such things? Perhaps I am just jaded and should applaud his joi de vive....the freak.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Next Day....

After all that, we returned to the scene of the crime to see if the rumour was true: criminals often throw away everything but what they want/need - money, cell phone, etc. And guess what? Thrown in the bush, 12 feet in, was my precious Keen messenger bag. Inside? Library book, lip balm, some odds and sods. Missing? Wallet, cell phone - but I didn't care cuz a bit of order was restored. Funny what gives us comfort.....

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

What I did this weekend....

So, quiet weekend planned, visiting family up island....decide to go for a walk in nature. Park the car, about to get out, automatically grab my messenger bag. D tells me to leave my bag in the I need it? My intuition is to say no, its coming with; instead, I blindly agree. As we're pulling ourselves together, I notice an older man standing by a fence, looking casually around. He's in his late 50s, early 60s, nothing memorable except he is wearing dark blue nylon ski boots. Uh, odd, I think. He mutters "Good morning", we think nothing of it. We loose track of the guy when we go and look at a map with our young son. As we head off on the path, the guy walks by us and mutters 'good morning" again - and I notice he won't make eye contact. It hits me hard - this guy is insanely creepy. I want to leave, grab my family, and get the hell out of there. I mention to D that I should get my cell, trying to find an excuse to go back to the car - D assures me that he has his, no worries. Off we go and eventually I relax.....

On the way back, after 30mins of walking, exploring and taking pictures, we walk back - planning to get some lunch, pickup some groceries, only to be stopped by a young couple with their dog. They warn us that three cars had their windows smashed, including a little black car - our car. I feel like sound is being sucked out and time has slowed down as we make our way to parking lot. There's our car - minus the driver's side window. I stare at the broken glass as D pops the trunk- sure enough, my bag is gone. As I am about to cry in disbelief, my son tells me he has to go pee - and I am brought back to reality. I remind myself that no one was hurt, that the guy was only after money and things he could pawn; however, it stings and feels personal. He saw me with my son, he saw that we were a family - he looked and saw us. How can I not take it personally? But logic tells me that the guy saw an opportunity; and that is all we were - the right opportunity at the right time.

What was taken? My wallet with all my id, and $7 in change, a crappy cell phone, a library book (fck!) and my beloved Keen messenger bag.......the worth? For the guy, $7; for me, a couple of hundred dollars to replace everything (car, bag, id, etc) and a ruined weekend as we clean up after the mess. What have I learnt? Listen to my intuition and never trust a man wearing nylon ski boots in the middle of May....but at least no one was hurt ( and I mean that sincerely).

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Careful what you wish for OR you reap what you sow: the tragedy of a fame whore

The drama of Jon and Kate (of "Plus 8" fame) is playing out daily on Jon was caught in bar with girls! Jon denies affairs! Kate denies affair with bodyguard (they have a bodyguard?) Kate is on the cover this week with the headline, "Kate Admits to Struggling in her Marriage" - really? Do tell more? How relaxing can it be to have twins AND sextuplets? How relaxing can it be to have a film crew following you around, watching your every move, editing a day in your life into an "entertaining" hour of television? Wait - these were choices YOU made....

You want fame? You want financial compensation? It all comes with a price - sometimes a little more dear than you realize. Privacy is a luxury; and society loves nothing more than for people to slip off the same pedastles they built. What is sad is that at the end of the day, there is a family in pain, children who don't understand what is going on outside their world. I don't envy Jon and Kate, not for all the money in the world

Friday, May 8, 2009

The problem with oatmeal.....

Have you ever met a person that comes across as bland, tasteless, lacks flavour - in other words, blah? It doesn't matter how much energy or pizazz you put into the conversation, the person is about as exciting as a bowl of lukewarm mushy oatmeal.....The person is nice enough - might even start the conversation - but the flow just doesn't exist. You find yourself floundering, grasping at straws to keep the conversation a float - but why? Why should you be the trained monkey excerting energy for pennies? Just smile, nod, respond and make an excuse to exit the lack-luster chat. The upside of oatmeal? Makes you appreciate the brunch buffets all the more.....

Thursday, May 7, 2009

If I worked for Hallmark....

I think there should be a line of Mother's Day card that celebrate the dysfunctional mom. Like, "Thanks for leaving me with Grandma and Grandpa - I turned out okay!" or "You did the best you could, considering - so crack open another beer and toast yourself on a job well done!". The reality is, not everyone had June Cleaver or Mrs. C for moms. Some were absent, some were abusive, and some were just downright Joan Crawford-ish. The saving grace for some is the generic blank card with a simply flower on the front.....because sometimes you just can't put into words what this person means (or doesn't mean) to you.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Puzzle me this....

Why do people walk and read at the same time? Is it a Victoria thing? I was crossing the street to catch my connecting bus and a girl, probably early 20s, walked by, head in a book. Is the book that gripping that she literally could not put it down? Is she anti-social and does not want to make eye contact? Are you REALLY able to concentrate on what you are reading as you walk by traffic, fellow pedestrians, small children haphazardly navigating their bikes? I should ask someone one day....if I can get their attention.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Ick factor

I was lurking around FB and saw that a married friend had some lollie pop application in which strangers can suck her lollie pop.....did I mentioned she's married? The ick factor just increased. I am not sure how smart of an application that is to have when your husband is a "friend" on your page.....

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Life - the ulitmate test

Here is a theory....mulled over as I wander around the grounds at work this morning

We approach life like an examine in high school:

The A Student
Some arrive at ease, studied, well-rested, prepared - complete with 2 sharpened 2HB pencils. They will take their time, answer carefully, and will leave enough time to review and enjoy. When asked how they did, they tend to downplay their success and keep it at that.

The B Student
Others will have stayed up all night studying, cramming - and in the end, will crap the bed and blank out. They will desperately scramble to unload their brain, dump anything they can on the paper, then bitch and moan with excuses until the examine comes back with a decent grade.

The C Student
A few will try and bullshit they way through the answers, using a whole lotta big words and descriptions, hoping their ignorance won't be discovered and called out. Typically, their exams are covered with with a lot of red marks and comments like, "You have gone off topic", and "Not sure where you were going with this".

The "F" Student
Then there are the ones who sit beside the smart guy and cheat - copying his work, changing a few words and taking full credit. Sometimes they pass with flying colours; however, every so often, they get caught and are blamed with plagiarism - which they quickly turn around and blame the other guy.

And finally, there are the individuals who don't show up........

Not sure which one I am.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Just leave it alone....

With the remake of Fame coming out in September, and the threat of Footloose just around the corner, I would like to plead that the following treasures of my youth be left alone......

Sixteen Candles
Top Gun
The Goonies

I also ask that no freaky reunion movie be made of any of these...although Flashdance could be interesting- Alex and her man split, leaving her to raise their 3 children. Alex is down on her luck and her only option is to take up the one thing she vowed never to do.....except she discovers her routines are hopelessly outdated to the new girls' -what will she do? The drama! The tension! The music! Jennife Beal could totally pull this off . Perhaps Demi Moore could play the crusty veteran stripper who takes her under her wings and shows her the ropes, or pole (whatever they are using these days). What to call this potential gem?